Has technology put romance in beta?

As I’m posting this blog on Valentines day, I’ve taken inspiration from the theme of the day. Regardless of whether you embrace the cheesiness of this day or shirk away in horror, would you say you’re a technologist or a romantic? What I mean is, do you fully embrace technology, (data, algorithms and all) leaving romance for dead, OR, are you truly a red rose purchasing romantic? Maybe they’re not mutually exclusive and you can be a romantic technologist.

So how has romance changed as a result of technology? I begin with the obvious ones: internet dating, dating apps, dating banter via text and messaging. We often talk about tech as an enabler, and in the online / social media dating scene, there’s no disputing that. No doubt you have friends who met online, or know a story about someone who did and who is now happily married.

When do you get to the point where technology would be considered a deterrent to romance, a spoiler? I think a digital proposal would probably be that low point. That happened to a reality TV participant in the States who actually admitted “We had just spent however many days together and we were texting and somehow it came up, like, ‘Oh, shall we get married?’ We’re like, ‘Yeah, OK.'” Two problems with this scenario. One, that it happened. Two, that anyone would admit to it. Well and three, that reality TV people are now called “stars”. But I go off tangent.

According to the Forbes, technology has ruined dating in the following ways:

•  Too much texting, not enough dates. Dating used to be dinner or drinks and a movie. It’s now evolved to a series of text exchanges. “Emoticon flirting is the new first date.” Bad.

•  Lowered barriers to entry. Traditional courtship which involves picking up the phone, or asking someone out in person requires courage and personal investment. Technology obliterates that in a nanosecond.

•  Facebook has ruined the first date. Admit it, you can stalk the pants out of a potential date and find out more than you should before you even get to know them properly. Run out of small talk? I wonder why…

•  Unromantic tech speak. People make less effort to ask someone out because it’s become too “easy” to simply ping across a badly worded message of the likes of “whatsup?”. This is depressing.

But it’s not all bad news. There are also advantages:

•  If you live in a remote area where there are few or no chances of meeting someone, your problems have been solved.

•  Apps like Tinder remove the social embarrassment factor as rejection on an app is nothing as bad as rejection in person.

•  You can vet someone by looking them up online before you meet them.

•  The beauty of algorithms means you can be very specific about the type of person you want to meet, and be matched according to mutual interests / values / religion etc. Think of all the endless painful first dates and wasted evenings saved.

As someone who (very fortunately) didn’t participate in the recent foray of dating apps, I am grateful for technology, but even more grateful that I don’t have to use it for any form of romance. Despite debating the pros and cons of tech and romance, I think, if you don’t live in the middle of nowhere and you can actually approach someone, I’m for the old fashioned way any time. So come on, stop swiping right, put that phone down, and just talk to someone…it could be worse.

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